


slippery floors just mean you'll fall faster for me

by timber (calculus)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Conversations, Banter, Established Relationship, Hospitals, M/M, Minor Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 14:38:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14875655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calculus/pseuds/timber
Summary: Wonwoo and Soonyoung need to stop having sex in weird places, for the sake of their own health. Jisoo is the unfortunate chaperone this time.





	slippery floors just mean you'll fall faster for me

**Author's Note:**

> honestly i just wanted bad sex and embarrassing conversations at the er but we only got one of the two T_T

Soonyoung says it’s completely Wonwoo’s fault for seducing him and forgetting his noodle arms. He says it with such severity, despite his red-hot cheeks and darting eye contact, that Jisoo feels the slightest bit obligated to humor him.

Wonwoo has no such qualms.

“How is this just _my_ fault?” Wonwoo scoffs, holding the proffered ice-bag to his swollen eye. Soonyoung twitches next to him and looks away, puffing his cheeks out.

“It just is, numbnut, shut up.” Wonwoo rolls his eyes, even though really only one rolls with any sort of fluidity and gives a jerky head-shake at Jisoo.

“This idiot here was the one begging me fist him while I was minding my own business washing my hair,” he complains, as Soonyoung yelps and bodily slams him to shut his mouth. The words slip out too late, though, and Jisoo manfully inhales and exhales the trauma out of his mind.

“That’s great, guys, leave that to the attending nurse, please. I’m just here to provide clean-up,” he says with a twitch of his brow, smile pasted on his face.

Soonyoung moans, burying his face in his hands. “I can’t believe you said that out loud, you fucking asshole. We’re in public, why do you keep doing this to me?”

“Why do you keep injuring me every time we try to have sex?” Wonwoo retorts, mouth curling up despite himself. Soonyoung scowls at him.

“You keep this up, and we’re never gonna have sex ever again,” he promises darkly, darting eyes to Jisoo’s placid expression and the rest of the room. It’s a slow night, at least, so they only had to wait an hour before someone came along to bring Wonwoo in.

“I accept you, Soonyoung-ah, I accept all of you and your kinky flaws,” Wonwoo says plainly, reaching over to lay his free hand over Soonyoung’s hunched shoulders.

“I want a divorce right now.”

“We’re not even married.”

“Even better,” Soonyoung sneers. Wonwoo just laughs, immediately grimacing afterward.

In the end, the takeaway is this: Soonyoung is never allowed to get into their small shower stall with Wonwoo ever again, and Wonwoo needs to keep his hands to himself. Also, they need to buy grip tape for the stall.

Wonwoo is downright cheerful as they amble out of the ER, much to Soonyoung’s red-faced dismay and Jisoo’s exasperation. “That wasn’t nearly as painful as last time.”

Soonyoung shoots him a glare. “You _fractured_ your ribs. How is that not bad?”

“Well, you’ll nurse me back to tip-top shape, right?” His leer is lewd enough that Jisoo has to look away with a cough, just to remind the two of them of his chaperoning presence. “Ah, sorry, hyung. I forgot to thank you for taking us to the hospital on such short notice.”

Jisoo shakes his head with a rueful smile, leading them to his parked car in the half-full parking lot. “I guess I should be glad you guys called me than Seungcheol, at least.”

“Oh god,” Soonyoung shudders. “The yelling. _So much screaming._ ”

Wonwoo nods next to him, waiting for Soonyoung to open the car door before gingerly sliding into the back seat, arm protective over his torso. “You would’ve thought it was his own blood he saw on the kitchen counter, and not Soonyoung’s.”

“...I want to know, but I also really don’t want to know if this leads into another sexual escapade.” The ensuing silence from the two is damning, and Jisoo does his best to hold back his laughter. “You guys are really something else.”

“In my defense, Soonyoung is like the dick whisperer,” Wonwoo says loftily. “You can’t blame me for not noticing Seungcheol-hyung coming in when I’ve got Soonyoung on his knees in front of me.”

Jisoo closes his eyes and tries not to smash his head against the steering wheel.

“Hyung, I’m going to need a moment to murder my boyfriend in cold blood,” Soonyoung says faintly.

“Take your time, please.”

**Author's Note:**

> im sry guys i dont know how 2 write snwu anymore pls forgive me


End file.
